Questions on Questions

Dictionary.com defines “question” as:

Noun:

A sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply. 

 

So, we ask questions in order to get information, right?  When did we start screwing that up so much? 

In my job, I attend a lot of meetings either in person or over the phone and I’ve noticed that people can’t just ask a simple question any more.  They ask a question but then follow it up with a half a dozen  options barely giving the person being asked the question a chance to answer.  What should be this:

“How are you doing?”

Turns into this:

“How are you doing?  I mean, are you sad or happy or angry or maybe tired because you’ve been up a long time?  I ask because of my interest in how people feel when they are going through the day so I wanted to know if you were feeling good or bad or maybe even indifferent because sometimes we don’t feel anything, we are just there, you know what I mean?  I just think sometimes we don’t have to be in a particular mood, it’s just that we live in the moment. Not to say we’re all robots.  People have emotion and that is what begs us to ask others how they are doing so that’s why I was wondering.”

Usually the person, who is being asked a question in the above form, has to interrupt the asker in order to answer the question. There’s something not right about that.

Let me be up front and say I am not excluded from doing this.  There have been times where I have done the same thing but I have recently tried to curb that behavior…I’m just trying to figure out what causes that behavior.  I’ve narrowed it down to a couple of choices:

·  Show Off – I think some will ask a question with several answers to the question mainly just to show off their knowledge.  As if the person being asked the question is going to applaud them on figuring out the answer before they do.  When I am the “askee” in this type of a situation, I am generally on the side of “If you knew the answer, why did you ask?”

·  Insecurity – Another reason we may do this is simple insecurity.  We aren’t sure if the question we are asking is a good one so we try to justify or fortify the question by backing it up with several statements, facts or follow-up questions.  In truth, this doesn’t make us look more secure.  It actually has the opposite effect.

·  Thinking Out Loud – The third reason I came up with is the person asking the question is really just thinking out loud.  They are essentially asking the question to themselves but audibly and then proceeds to weave their way through the possible answers until they come up with one that satisfies them.  At this point, it doesn’t matter how the person being asked the question replies, the asker will probably be more satisfied with his own answer.

 

The truth is the “follow-up” question asker is really just annoying and a lot of times frustrating.  All they are doing is making what is probably an all ready long meeting even longer.  If you want to know why a company needs to have their forms in a particular order, just ask that.  Don’t go into your theories on how forms are regulated by the government and must be arranged in a particular manner in order to meet some mandate or perhaps this is the way one employee started doing in years ago and it has just stuck so there in fact is no real reason for it.  Just ask why and leave it at that. 

So this is my challenge to you:  The next time you are in a meeting or on a phone call and you need to ask a question, I challenge you to ask the question and then shut up and listen.  If the person doesn’t understand your question, then let them ask for clarification.  At that point, you can go into all the options you were going to go into before I laid down this challenge.

I actually think you will find it rewarding, but it's not easy.  I started doing this and literally had to bite my tongue to stop talking right after I asked a question.  I don’t know why it’s such an instinct to expound on the question, but I think it is. 

Just ask and then listen.    

Don’t you think that’s a good idea?

….

(See?  I just asked and then was just listening right there.  Felt good)